Thursday, January 29, 2009

The "LOOK"-- Are YOU Scared?

Our family is I am sure you all have figured out by now. I have modified these 2 photos (into cartoon---ooohh ahhhhhh) from our Christmas trip to Branson. Ky and I were patiently waiting for our food (seriously, we TRIED being patient--for like 10 minutes!!) at FudRuckers and practicing our "Nana Look" on the cashier. (We were hungry...and bored!! So what the hey?!) Now this is a serious matter, because all who have seen this look can attest that it is indeed intimidating, and yes, even scary. So here we were, a bunch of rednecks, playing with the camera, and getting a bit antsy for our chow. FarmBoy was enjoying the free entertainment as we kept making eye contact with the little cashier lady. Needless to say, I do not think our "look" caused her fear...if anything, I am sure she was thinking, "WTF!!!....Freaks!"

My momma is the only one who can get the men working and the kids quiet with this look. I must catch up with her soon to try to perfect this.

(Mom...I know you are reading this.....and it is funny, ok!! I need to get a pic of you making this look, so I can practice on FarmBoy and Ky!! Love ya!! Hug Hug!!)

BTW...even in cartoon funk, isn't Ky just the cutest thing! (ahh to be young again!! What a crappy cliche--but oh so true!!) I wish we had taken a video clip of this....we were just rip-roaring laughing because no matter HOW hard we tried, our food took for flippin' ever to make!! But it was SOOO yummy!!!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Honest Scrap...or Crap--You Decide!!

Good ole' Momster has tagged me for a fun lovin' game of 10 this case, first 10 honest things about me. Right now, the way I feel, this could get me in trouble, so I will do my best to tone it down and be ladylike!! HAHA!!

The RULES are as follows:

The honorees are to:

A) First list 10 honest things about yourself - and make it interesting, even if you have to dig deep! (Scary!!!)

B) Pass the award on to 7 bloggers that you feel embody the spirit of the Honest Scrap. (This is usually the hardest rule for me to follow, so I will just ask that all who read this AND have time(haha) do this and link back to me!! I will list a few blogs at the end, but I am sure that by the time I get this done, I will not put anyone!! My initial intentions are ALWAYS good, I promise!!)

Alright, we go.....YEE HAW!!

1. I CANNOT stand peas....they are just plain NASTY!! (and they are NOT a vegetable PEOPLE!!!! It is a starch!!! So quit making kids suffer by eating them!!) My little nephew Logan has NO idea how painful it was for me to eat 2, (and when I say 2, I mean 2, no more, no less!!) of those with him a few weeks ago. I really wanted to help him hide them in his napkin. But I was the good Auntie and choked them down with a quart of milk!! YUK! Peas are just GROSS!!

2. I love being a mom, I mean LOVE it!! I enjoy doing homework with Ky, taking her places--trips or just a quick run to Wally World. I like that she will still grab my hand while we are walking sometimes, and I love that she lets me tuck her in at night...."snug as a bug in a rug". Being a mom completes me, even though sometimes we both push each others buttons. I love it....the best thing that I ever did!!

3. I am a hateful little snot when I am hot. My best pal Angie can attest to that! I feel like I could cause bodily harm to ANYONE when the sweat beads above my upper lip---just THINKING about it makes my blood pressure jump a notch! FarmBoy takes great pleasure in my discomfort during these times...and honestly, I could choke him!! (man, I am feeling a bit aggressive today, aren't I??)

4. I smoke...and I wish I would stop. I don't even smoke a pack in a day...maybe 2 or 3 days, so I don't know why I just don't quit!! UGH!! But in defense of my poor choice, I do not smoke in the house or car.....I don't want Ky to breath it in AND I cannot stand the smell!!

5. On the smoking thing, I wear a hat, even if it is 105 degrees outside....I will wear a hat when I smoke so that my hair won't smell like it! And a glove...yes, ONE glove!! (FarmBoy says it is my Michael Jackson look!!) I don't want my fingers to smell like it either!!

6. I just adore Chelsea Handler! She cracks me up! I watch her show on E! and her brutal honesty and "take no prisoners" approach to everything is freakin' hilarious!! The roundtable is the best!!

7. My first "relationship" was of course, young love, in 1st grade. I loved G Potts and JAzdell. When I officially got all my "stuff" out of my parents house when they moved a few years ago, I found some of our refreshing love notes. The fact that we (and yes, the boys did too) took so much time to put these little notes together is quite entertaining. Remember the ditto machines---they printed purple colored ink off of a roller. Anyway, our daily worksheets always had a section in the top right corner for "Name". We would cut the tops of the returned worksheets off, tape together to make a long strip, and see how many times we could get "love" written across the top. THEN, we would roll them around our pencil and give to our love of the day. I mean....that is crazy!! So much thought at what, 7 yrs old???? And yes, I still had one or 2 that I have gotten from them.

8. (Another elementary confession) I had a nemesis all through school, BChase. And boy howdy, I could not stand her and she could not stand me. It was unfortunate that we lived on the same block because even when school was out, we had to see each other. I would compare our relationship to that of Seinfeld and Newman...when we would see each other, we would just snarl at each other. ANYWAY!!! In 4th grade, I buddied up with DLong to prepare our "attacks". We would take the erasers off of the top of our pencils at home, roll them in glue, let dry and repeat until a nice hard outter shell was obtained. We would then take our "artillery" to school and pelt her upside the head during the Pledge. I know that this was mean, and if Ky ever did such a thing, she'd get in big ole' trouble (unless it was her nemesis StringBean, then I would silently smile)....but, I will be honest here....I still think its freakin' funny!!!!!!!! (Please don't think less of me people!!)

9. Holey socks & underwear irk me. FarmBoy especially loves this about me...prancing around the living room with a big ole hole in his sock, or heaven forbid, how "airy" he is feeling today (he can be so gross)!! And I have TRIED to trash them, but FarmBoy thinks it is SOOO funny, that he will dig them out of the trash can, wash them, to only drive me nutty later by showing me that he "saved" his drawers!! I now (silently) examine his undergarments in his clothes chest, and if there is a hole, I rip the snot out of them, until only pieces remain!! I know that if there was a hidden camera on me while performing this ritual, I would look like a mad Indian showing off a prized scalp!

10. Last honest thing....hmmmm....I really like to read. I am a little OCD about it though, and just cannot STOP reading if involved in a great book. I think I have probably mentioned this before, but the Twilight Series, by Stephenie Meyer, was incredible! So check it out!!

Alrighty then....I am done. It is now my turn to pass on this award, so I am passing on to all the blogs on my blog roll. (Yep, I am lazy, but my blog roll is very dear to me, and all the ladies on check it out!) And anyone else, feel free to join the fun!

Toodle Loo...and YEE HAW!!

Monday, January 19, 2009

Kiss My GRITS!!

So I was minding my own business....trying to get in the Monday groove. {{It did not help that the dang bus was 12 min early, so I had to take Ky to school. Why oh why could I not have been off work today?}}

ANYWAY....(sheesh, I really AM easily distracted) phones were ringing and I was running to the back phone while on the cordless {{pray tell why no one can get line 2 to ring up front....maybe it is BossMan's kind way of telling me to get off my badonka donk??? hmmmm}}

My story....OKAY! Ringing phone in I answered it, I had to stiffle a SHRIEK because the biggest, HAIRY ASS mouse ran right in front of me!!! Being that I am so quick and limber, I hopped (or thumped) onto the desk. The little sucker turned around and LOOKED at me and ran for cover!!

{{Alright, I am a FarmGirl, and I know that if there is ONE, then there are FIVE!! I do not know how the "math" works, but that's the way the cookie crumbles.}}

I manage to get thru the phone conversation, (I still do not know who called or why....YIKES!!) and I quicky sprint into the front show room, crawl into my chair, and call BossMan. He says, "FarmGirl, chill" as he listens to my crazy talk! I explain to him that I suffered thru the "bug" problem (don't even was TERRIBLE), but that I could NOT handle lice infested mice running amuck!! Again, "FarmGirl chill" (he likes to embrace his heritage when I am wiggin' out)

After a few deep breaths, I called FarmBoy! Who, of course, immediately laughed his ASS off!! He has SEEN my quick, limber moves before and just kept laughing and saying...."Oh I can just see YOU FARMGIRL!!!" {{hoot hoot....cackle cackle}} He is not a very gracious hubby, is he??? hmpf!

It took me about 10 minutes to "brave" to the back of the store,where the crime went down, but I had to! My breakfast was back there! So I tiptoed back and slowly made the corner to the "snack" area (this is a closet w/ a mini-mini frig & microwave)and low and behold the little MF'r ate my package of grits!!!! And there is mouse crap all over the freakin' microwave!! So I threw all my potential mouse food into the mini-mini frig and ran for cover!! Can you BELIEVE IT?? The little punk ATE MY GRITS!!!

I have been sitting up front, the rest of the morning, with my feet perched on the rollers of my desk chair. BossMan will be here soon, with traps. And he has another thing coming if he thinks I am capable of disposing of slain mice bodies!!

I still cannot believe that my breakfast is now feeding the mouths of a thieving mice community. All I have to say about that is...yep, you guessed it....KISS MY GRITS!!!!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Language of Women---9 Tips

Ok, so it has been MONTHS since I posted anything really interesting or worthy reading. Time has just gotten the best of me.....for now anyway. This morning, I decided I needed a breather, so I was catching up on emails and got this one from my pal Liz. In my mind, I was thinking, "How appropriate...perfect timing". With that said, I have printed this to share with FarmBoy know, to "help him along". I then decided to post it here too. I know men in general struggle with understanding women, but there are times where it is really a no brainer!! Here is a recent example of FarmBoy's brilliance. I encourage you all to post a story about a man you love, a story that will have us all mesmerized with their super intelligence! (ok, I even rolled my eyes as I was typing this....ooooh, and again....CRAZY!!)

FarmBoy's Smart Story

Work is busy....farming is he calls (yesterday at 11am).....

FarmBoy: "FarmGirl, how many packages of fish do you want me to put out for supper?"
FarmGirl: "Two."
FarmBoy: "Are you sure?"

(My phone at work is just ringing off the hook, I put him on hold)

FarmGirl: "I gotta's busy today."
FarmBoy: "So how many packages?"
FarmGirl: "Two."
FarmBoy: "Don't you think that will be too much?"

(I am getting a little annoyed now....)

FarmGirl: "Fine, one."
FarmBoy: "Well, I'll just put out two."
FarmGirl: (large sigh) "Whatever. Sounds good."
FarmBoy: "You're sure that isn't too much?"

( this point, bodily harm comes to mind. Are we seriously having this conversation???)

FarmGirl: (in a short, quiet voice) "If you knew the answer to your question, then why are you calling me? One.... Two.... I really do NOT care---I have to go."

(phone's ringing again)

FarmBoy: (still not having a clue) "Oh, you're busy? Call me back later."

(I am staring at the this really happening?)

FarmGirl: (in my sticky sweet voice) "Bye" (ya know the "bye", where the "y" is held extra long???)

So based on this story, I think FarmBoy needs a "gentle" reminder of our language....I dropped a few "fines" and "whatevers", but he still struggled with the situation. God Bless him.

Oh, and when I got home, TWO packages were out!! Go figure!!

9 Tips on the Language of Women

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying ______ YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.