Language of Women---9 Tips

Ok, so it has been MONTHS since I posted anything really interesting or worthy reading. Time has just gotten the best of me.....for now anyway. This morning, I decided I needed a breather, so I was catching up on emails and got this one from my pal Liz. In my mind, I was thinking, "How appropriate...perfect timing". With that said, I have printed this to share with FarmBoy tonite...you know, to "help him along". I then decided to post it here too. I know men in general struggle with understanding women, but there are times where it is really a no brainer!! Here is a recent example of FarmBoy's brilliance. I encourage you all to post a story about a man you love, a story that will have us all mesmerized with their super intelligence! (ok, I even rolled my eyes as I was typing this....ooooh, and again....CRAZY!!)

FarmBoy's Smart Story

Work is busy....farming is done......so he calls (yesterday at 11am).....

FarmBoy: "FarmGirl, how many packages of fish do you want me to put out for supper?"
FarmGirl: "Two."
FarmBoy: "Are you sure?"

(My phone at work is just ringing off the hook, I put him on hold)

FarmGirl: "I gotta go....it's busy today."
FarmBoy: "So how many packages?"
FarmGirl: "Two."
FarmBoy: "Don't you think that will be too much?"

(I am getting a little annoyed now....)

FarmGirl: "Fine, one."
FarmBoy: "Well, I'll just put out two."
FarmGirl: (large sigh) "Whatever. Sounds good."
FarmBoy: "You're sure that isn't too much?"

(Ok......at this point, bodily harm comes to mind. Are we seriously having this conversation???)

FarmGirl: (in a short, quiet voice) "If you knew the answer to your question, then why are you calling me? One.... Two.... I really do NOT care---I have to go."

(phone's ringing again)

FarmBoy: (still not having a clue) "Oh, you're busy? Call me back later."

(I am staring at the phone....is this really happening?)

FarmGirl: (in my sticky sweet voice) "Bye" (ya know the "bye", where the "y" is held extra long???)

So based on this story, I think FarmBoy needs a "gentle" reminder of our language....I dropped a few "fines" and "whatevers", but he still struggled with the situation. God Bless him.

Oh, and when I got home, TWO packages were out!! Go figure!!

9 Tips on the Language of Women

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying ______ YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.